Daily Dose of Aggravation:

My Next Husband Will Have a Pony Tail

Dana Koogler

Dec. 19,2023

Above: my little ponytail husband of the future

I decided to write blog entries about some of the funny ways me and Kenny annoy one another.

It's part of how we show affection in this family. You do something dumb and you will be reminded of it lovingly, but laughingly many times over the years. I can't sew that great, but my mom and step mom are great seamstresses. Consequently my brother-in-law Brian calls me The Golden Needle. Stuff like that. Kenny and I have been together for so long and we both have so many idiosyncrasies. We like to kid each other. It is partly a coping mechanism. Instead of getting truly angry with one another's ways we joke about it.

Dana's Idiosyncrasy that Lead to This Exchange: I HATE to be told what to do and forced to do a thing. People's expectations of performance from me light a match under my ass.

I am including a funny video clip below from the movie The Hot Chick that perfectly sums up my attitude, feelings, and actions when it comes to being expected or forced to do a thing. The movie is Rachel McAdam's character Jessica switches bodies magically with a random low life dude who then uses her body he is inhabiting to strip to earn money. It is comical and very apt for my internal landscape regarding expectations. Especially stereotyped expectations.

Kenny's Dream Motorcycle

Kenny likes motorcycles and over the years has episodes where he fancies himself a biker.

He has bought and sold a couple bikes. I have given it a try each time. I've really made the effort to be a sport. No denying that, but I don't like motorcyles. Never have. Never will. I also don't fit with the biker chick lifestyle and Kenny doesn't fit the biker image in any way. One day after selling the last sports bike he mused "One day after I retire I'll get another motorcycle."

He was gaging my response. It was not what he hoped for when I replied "You go ahead. You will be riding it without me the next go round. I don't like it. It makes my back hurt. I feel foolish. I don't like or fit that lifestyle." He knows me only too well. He knew a couple things right now. #1 -- I really meant what I said having tried it twice before. #2 He knew if he kept on being pushy about it .. I'd be annoyed.

I guess he figured if he couldn't count on me to go riding with him he may as well have some fun at my expense. He got real quiet for a moment, but that didn't mean he was letting it drop.

"You ARE going with me on the motorcycle like it or not." he said. I quizzed him "How do you reckon you're going to get me on there?" He grinned and said "Oh you're going sweetheart if I have to put a side car on that thing and hog tie you and set you in there. You ARE going!"

Below are two hilarious images of bikes with sidecars... this is what came to mind.

Well, truthfully I had Sgt. Schultz and Col. Klink from Hogan's Heroes in mind, but couldn't find a very good image of those scenes.

I was not to be so easily outdone by the whole forced sidecar thing. I told Kenny "Look, if I wanted to be married to a biker. I'd have married a biker. I'll tell you what I'll do. When you kill yourself on that motorcyle my next husband will be just that.. a REAL biker." I went on to describe the criteria.

He will wear leathers. He will ride a Harley-Davidson. He will have a long pony tail. He will be rich as Croesus. He will be four feet tall and weigh about 120 lbs. When I say jump he will say "How high?"

Kenny's eyes got big and he must not have liked the image that conjured up. He said "Oh Lord! You just want him to be like that so you can boss him around and beat him up! You'll take hold of him by that ponytail and be swinging him around like a club! The look of astonishment on his face was priceless. "That's right!" I declared.

Then the utter ridiculousness of the conversation settled over both of us and we just lost it. We laughed hysterically. Shortly after that we were going down the road in the vehicle when we passed a motorcyle with a side car with a biker man and a woman in the sidecar. It was one of those honking big Honda Goldwings. I really don't like them. I always say if you're going to get a motorcyle that size you may as well buy a Miata or a compact sports car.

Over the years as that story has gotten told to grandchildren it has never failed to illicit a fit of laughter. Our grandson Michael is almost as evil as me. He'll see a dude now and then who fits my given description and will point him out to me making us laugh all the more.

Below are several photos of Kenny with the last motorcycle he owned.

I am really mean and have a black hearted sense of humor.

Below is a series of photos I shot from the vehicle at a gas station in Tellico Plains, TN.

I saw a biker dude come out dressed in full leathers. He stood and smoked. Then he proceeded toward his ride which was not a motorcycle, but a scooter!!!! A little Japanese scooter of all the things.

I was really laughing about this.