Queen of the Snakes --Funny Story

March 29, 2007

Dana Koogler and Crystal Lindsey

Snake Farm Photo Gallery Here

Lord, today was quite a day. Spring has sprung in the Smoky Mountains. It was gorgeous today. Temperatures in the eighties. Slightly overcast with a light drizzle that burned off to sunny, blue skies. I had planned to drive over to Townsend to spend the day with my daughter. I helped her get a few house cleaning chores done so we could spend the rest of the day playing. She'd been wanting to do some kayaking, and never seems to get to go. I made sure today would go well. Kenny and I loaded up the kayaks the previous evening along with all the gear. We got started at 1O:30 a.m. I counted on parking one vehicle at The River Rat as usual. Unfortunately no one was there to ask permission I stood there talking over plan B with Crystal when some local yokel passed by hollering and hooting at me and my ghetto booty. I did not handle it well.

It was the first "Cursing out of the Menz" for the season! In a LOUD redneck voice! Crystal looked at me and laughed like crazy. She said "Don't you EVER tell me again not to curse out men who holler at me!" I told her that last Summer when we were on the river not to curse at the men. She flipped off some dudes who hollered and cursed them like yard dogs all the way back to their questionable ancestors. Today proved the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It really don't!

The first time we took a trip in these kayaks Kenny flipped his after I offered to help him and he refused. I laughed so hard I shook and could not make a sound nor would I dare make eye contact. He swore then I'd pay. So today I did pay. Three years later, but I did!

We had a leisurely paddle down the 2 mile stretch of river. We were drifting along and fixing to get out at the Special People's Park. I was heading for the river bank pretty hard. My kayak had a lot of momentum and was drifting into an overhanging shrub. No big deal. I was unconcerned. We were nearly done. I was very familiar with this stretch of river.

My paddle bumped the bush as I got near it. I thought I saw something move. I did a double take and saw a little ribbon snake in the bush. Again I was unconcerned. It was one, harmless little snake. Who cares? He isn't poisonous. I was unable to stop since I didn't have much to push back from. My kayak went right up UNDER the bush which hung over the river. I was nose to nose with the shrubbery now. I was forced to take a good, hard, close up look at the scene.

It wasn't one snake. It was hundreds of snakes! It was filled with too many to count. I was frantically trying to stop myself or move. It wasn't working, and when faced with having a kayak full of snakes or going for a swim with them I chose to swim!

Abandon Ship!

Above: ribbon snake coiled up on a bank.

Above: my kayak

I bailed out of that kayak like a mad bastard! I was still holding the paddle and I was knocking snakes around like something crazy. I was in total freak out. I did not care who saw or heard. I didn't even think about such things. Next thing I knew I was in the water with the snakes swimming around. Little River is mighty cold in March. My kayak was upside down. My daughter's face was ashen. She couldn't even enjoy the spectacle for all those reptiles swimming around in the water.

We went down the river a few feet and got out. I was soaked. I was laughing and cringing and hollering. There was a special person in the park and she laughed at me. She was there with her parents having a cookout.

My skin was crawling. I will walk past a snake or step over it on the trail, but when startled I didn't handle it well at all. I need to see the snake before it sees me! I fully expected to have nightmares, but I didn't.

Above: me in the kayak on Little River. I promise I am not topless. I am wearing a pink and silver bathing suit top. I learned too late that if you are fair skinned you need a darker colored swim suit.

I got over my fright. We went to Crystal's house. I changed into dry clothes and put myself together. I took her to lunch at Miss Lily's Cafe. We laughed over the foolish experience. She said "Well Mama, you might be the village idiot of Townsend, but at least you're a good sport about it!"

She later developed an attitude. I asked her on Sunday when I was finally off work again why she was mad all at once? She said "Oh you want to know well I'll show you." and she became ME! She acted out what I had done that day in the river. She pretended to come up out of the water smoothing her hair back and said "Well, that wasn't too bad."

What the hell? I know I said that. I know I did that. It all came back to me now. But what would she have had me do? Just let them get in the boat with me?

It is all relative. Depends on what foot the shoe is on!

I have some strange connection with snakes. Not one that I want, but it seems to stick. I can't shake it. It has been this way since I was a child. Someone, I don't recall who dubbed me the Queen of the Snakes. I told them I didn't want the title, but I couldn't argue with their reasoning. Plus the natural state of my hair is like a gorgon... a nest of snakes. Curls and waves going every which way. None of them good ways.

Below is a time line of strange incidents I've had with snakes since a child.

struck at by copperhead around age 6
hibernaculum at Aunt Kate's old house in the eaves with Daddy
Hibernaculum at Moffatts Creek
Copperhead swims figure 8s through my legs at the Wye 2003
struck at by copperhead on FHPW one evening
hibernaculum on little river in March kayaking
rattlesnake on Fork Ridge trail
nest of baby rattlesnakes at Melton Mill Falls April 2023
cat brings me a snake 2008
Snake has her nest of babies in my garage and I helped hide them 2008
nearly stepped on a timber rattler while hiking at St Mary's wilderness with my auntie in May
I have thrown two snakes out of the river once because it was in my friend's way kayaking and the other off the river bank at Huskey Branch because it was in the way and I needed to get out of the raw cold water!
Rattlesnake in Slick Rock Wilderness when almost done hiking with Kenny. Nearly back to the car and we came upon it.
Hiking to Flat Creek Falls with Maggie Bacon and had snakes going over my boots and around my ankles in tall weeds.
Huge rattlesnake in field in Cades Cove sees me first. I levitate out of there cringing.
Not having learned my lesson about hiking in waist high briars and weeds I try to hike the upper trail to Alarka Falls only to have another close encounter of the rattlesnake kind!